Dear Huckleberry is an advice column aiming to use a bit of sound advice to nurture healing and Dear growth, while hopefully making you laugh a little too. This column is not a substitute for working with a licensed counsellor. Please seek professional help if you are struggling.

Dear Huckleberry, This is kind of messed up, but here goes... I’ve been dating my girlfriend for almost two years. This past summer she moved away to finish college, and I stayed on HG working. We are trying to make it work in spite of the distance (phone calls, text, emails, photos, you name it, we are doing it), but the thing that kept me hopeful was a surprise visit I planned for her birthday. The first two days were amazing and it felt like nothing had changed between us, but when we went to bed that second day she was showing me some pictures on her phone and a snap of a guy’s face came up with the caption “Tinder [name withheld for privacy].” Immediately she swiped it away nervously, so I swiped back and asked her about it. She said it was sent to her by a friend, who went on a date with that guy and was just sharing the picture. And before I said anything else she closed her phone and changed the subject. I didn’t press it because I didn’t want to invade her privacy or make accusations without real proof, but the way she acted, the guilt in her eyes, I just didn’t buy it. One day I was completely sure about our relationship, and then the rug was pulled from under me. I’m not certain of anything anymore. I don’t want to make up stories in my head, but I also don’t want to walk around blind if the truth is right in front of me. What should I do? - Kind of Messed Up

Dear Kind of Messed Up, I understand that this must feel messed up to you, but believe me dear, it isn’t. Those of us who choose to enter any kind of relationship will at some point in our lives stand in the same place that you are standing right now. Actually, off the top of my head I can remember at least one for every relationship I’ve been in. The first time, funny enough, was also a long distance relationship. I drove myself mad wondering if the distance was making them miss me or forget me, so I put on my detective hat, obsessed with knowing who they were talking to or spending time with. At some point I even thought it was a good idea to ask a friend to seduce them to see if they would take the bait. They didnt, but instead figured out the level of my mistrust and that was the end of us. I wish I could say I learned my lesson from that experience, but that would be a lie. And a bigger lie would be to say that I don’t still find myself battling with my own vulnerability. But what I can tell you is that I have learned to feel true love in those moments when I’m uncertain, doubtful, or jealous. You see, it wouldn’t be love if you didn’t have to put any real trust in someone else. You give that part of yourself that can be broken to the person you trust the most not to break it, and sometimes your trust is rewarded with loyalty and other times you hurt. But that is a deal we agree to when we decide to love and be loved. And the only thing you can do to feel a little better in those moments is to share your insecurities and fears with the person you have trusted to heal, along with you, those broken parts of yourselves.

Dear Huckleberry, I don’t know if my best friend is my best friend anymore. It’s like she’s hot one minute and cold the next. I really don’t know what to do about it, because she just seems to not care that she hurts me when she acts this way. She says everything is okay, but I feel her pulling away from me. Suddenly she won’t take my calls, or doesn’t respond to my texts, or just plain lies to me. But the thing is, we go way back. She’s been my friend all my life, I know all of her secrets and she knows mine. She’s the only person I trust and I don’t want to lose her, or at least I want to know why she’s done with me. But every time I ask, every time I bring up the fact that she’s acting strange, she tells me that I’m jealous of her other friends or that I’m crazy. And I guess she’s right, we’ll soon be going to different colleges far away from each other, she will have new friends and just forget about me… I feel so alone now, do you have any advice? - One Who is Hurting

Dear One Who is Hurting, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. As we grow up we all have to see friends come and go like waves in the ocean, and most of the time we are powerless to the whims of the tides. But not everything is lost! Sometimes we just have to accept that people change with time. We change, the things that we love change, and usually what happens is that we stop fitting into the roles we were playing. It’s a difficult and sometimes painful adjustment, but sometimes the best thing we can do is let them go.

You see, when we are young we don’t realize that people sometimes need space because they’re figuring out who they are; sometimes they don’t know if who they are with us is safe or original or conducive to the person they want to become, especially old friends that grew up with us. And I know it hurts to suddenly face growing up without that person by your side, but what that pain is trying to tell you is that you also need to figure who you are on your own, or better yet, around new friends. For now, show your friend that she still can count on you when it matters, that she can explore new friendships without losing her oldest one. As the saying goes, if you love someone set them free, if they come back to you they were always yours, and if they don’t either way you are both free.

Don’t close yourself to all the opportunities ahead of you. Not every person in our lives is meant to walk alongside us through all of our journey. Some people are lessons, others are stories, some are tears, fleeting moments, or life-long soul mates… life will reveal when it is time for each person we meet to move on; it’s your job to fight for those you want to stay.